Paris v. Paris

vs.   

So, there is a brilliant website that showcases the work of an artist who has created a needle gauge that measures the number of Google searches for “Paris Hilton” vs. “Paris, France” in real time. As of posting, “Paris, France” has a slight advantage.

But this begs the question: Who would win a cage match of Paris v. Paris?  Let’s break it down:

• Personality Attributes: Both Hilton and France are sexually liberal and can’t be bothered with such things as “wearing underwear.”  Advantage: DRAW
• Catch Phrase: The French Government Tourist Office says “Get Lost in Francelation” while Hilton says “That’s Hot” — a phrase that makes me want to cry tears of Hilton’s signature fragrance “Just Me.”  Advantage: FRANCE
• BFF: Hilton has lots of friends, including one that she just purchased on a reality show, Nicole Ritchie, and special friend/co-star Rick Salomon.  France gets to hang out with Carla Bruni while she talks about Mick Jagger and puts on fancy gowns for a Vanity Fair cover shoot.  Advantage: FRANCE
• Legal Issues: Hilton spent some time in the Los Angeles County Jail in 2007  and wasn’t able to properly care for her hair extensions. France executed its queen by beheading her.  Advantage: Um, HILTON
• Signature Beverage: Who knew, Hilton sells her own Prosecco wine in — get this — cans. (Watch the video…I defy you to not crack open a can of wine after watching.)  Why continue, Advantage: FRANCE.
• Film Appearances: The Razzie-award winning film The Hottie and The Nottie starred Hilton, while France appeared in something called Moulin Rouge.  Advantage: HILTON, Moulin Rouge doesn’t even rhyme.
• Closing Argument:
  • Hilton: “It will work, I am a marketing genius.” — Paris Hilton
  • France: “Kabbalah helps you confront your fears. If a girl borrowed my clothes and never gave them back, and I saw her wearing them months later, I would confront her.” — Paris Hilton

Winner: Paris, France.

Oh, and check out that website I referenced.  Cool idea.  Social media.  Online.  FWD, etc.

— Andrew